Everlasting Love
by nekoloveer
Summary: I love him, I really love him but, I've been broken so many times, will he break me again?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Everlasting Love..**  
**Warnings: shonen-ai , and Break is maybe OOC**  
**disclaimer: everyone knows that I don't own Pandora Hearts**

**I know that I said I don't go to ****write something but Imade up my mind ..**

_I love him, I really love him, but, I've been broken so many times, will he break me again?_

"Break ? What's wrong?"  
I looked up to the beautiful golden eyes of the speaker, I didn't noticed that he entered the room.  
"Nothing to worry about, Raven" I faked a smile and picked out a candy to eat.  
"Okay, I came to say that dinner is ready" he said  
" I'm coming"  
Gilbert left the room, and I followed him.

"Hellloo everyone!" I said as I walked trough the door of the dinning room.  
"Break...do you have a fever or something?" Oz asked me with a frown.  
"No of course not Oz-kun" _why did he ask that?_  
"But you used the door..The dòòr" he said with a weird expression on his face  
"Brat" _ seriously,even when I do something normal they think I'm weird _  
Alice,Oz,Gilbert and Sharon talked about Pandora cases but I didn't join their conversation, I played with my food. I received some worried looks from Sharon and Oz but they didn't say anything about it.  
As usually when dessert was served Oz yells " DEESSSEERRT"

And Alice asked" is there meat?". To which Gilbert replied "Of course not stupid rabbit" "but there is cake, Alice" "Break do you want some?!" Oz asked me.

" no thanks Oz-kun, I'm not hungry".  
"you are really sick, aren't you?" Oz said with a worried face.  
"I've read in some of Sharon's romance books that people don't eat if they're in love, so maybe the clown is in love?" Suggested Alice.  
Sharon giggled when she said that.  
" Oohh.. So on who you have a crush, Break?" Oz teased me.  
_Gilbert, i have a crush on Gilbert _that is what I want to say but..  
"No one, don't be so ridiculous" is what I said.

Why are we going to the Nightray mansion?" I asked Gilbert. He asked me after dinner to go with him to his family house.  
"I-i need to talk to Vincent about.. Something" the dark haired man answered.  
"What's 'something' ,Raven?"  
He looked irritated  
"That is none of you're business" he said.  
"But you can tell it to me, Gilbert" I really wanted to know what he was going to tell Vincent.  
" I said it is none of your business!" He shouted  
_Even when he's angry he is beautiful._

* * *

It was already dark when we arrived at the Nightray mansion, even if it's my family house i don't like it, it is too big and there are not many nice people.  
"I'm go to talk to Vincent, can we meet again about an hour outside?" I asked the red-eyed man.  
He nodded and sang, "Seee youu theen!".  
I walked to Vincent's room and knocked on the door.  
"Come in" I heard him say.  
"Brother!, I'm happy to see you!" Vincent said as I walked in. "Is there something you want to talk about?"  
"Y-yeah, i need your help..because.. I I'm in love" i answered.

* * *

I quick began to walk  
He is in love... In love.. I listened to their conversation and heard..he's in love...  
My heart broke in thousand pieces.  
When I was outside i sat down on the stairs and wait.  
_In love...with ... I don't know who..but I don't even want to know_

"Break, I'm ready"  
"Okaayy~ let's go" I said with the most fake smile I ever made.  
We walked to the carriage as a Chain appeared, it was a weak chain, a Trump.  
That miserable chain tried to attack Gilbert but, I stopped him. I attacked the chain with my sword,and again till it was dead. _stupid chains_  
I looked up and saw that the whole Nightray family was outside, Vincent ran to us and asked "are you alright?" "yes, nothing wrong" I answered  
"we must go now" Gilbert says.  
"Come Break" I nodded ,waved to the Nightray family and walked after Gilbert.

Back in the carriage Raven was angry, very very angry.  
"WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT,YOU STUPID CLOWN" he shouted. _That hurts_  
"Did what?" I asked confused.  
"YOU LET MY WHOLE FAMILY THINK I'M WEAK!"  
"..I just save your life.."

" I COULD DEFEAT HIM MYSELF"

* * *

".." He said nothing..  
I saw pain in his blood red eye, just an second and then he said  
" ah ha ha!, you can kill the next chain we see!"  
" SHUT UP YOU STUPID CLOWN, I HATE YOU" I shouted , I know he has not done anything wrong, but, i can already see the stupid smile on Elliot's face the next time I'm at the Nightray mansion.. I can already hear his voice: 'you need the clown to protect you?' , so its all the fault of that stupid Break-person.

* * *

The rest of the ride we said nothing, there was complete silence. but I could see in his golden eyes that he was still angry.  
when we where at home I tried to not run to my room.  
I tried to hold back tears. I failed on both. _why I can't do something good?, only tried to protect him..and he react like that... Not to forget that he's in love.. _I swiped away the tears while running. When i finally reached my room, Sharon saw me. "Ah Xerx.." She stopped her sentence when she saw my wet face.

"What happened to you?" She said with a worried expression on her face.  
"N-nothing"  
"I don't believe you"  
"Please, leave my alone"  
"But Break.."  
"JUST SHUT UP SHARON"  
Usually I tell anything to Sharon, anything..but I don't tell her about my feelings for Gilbert because I know her feelings for me.  
"O-okay I'll leave you alone then.."  
I know i hurt her feelings but on this moment I'm too busy with my own feelings to do something.

* * *

I saw Break run away when I was entering the Rainsworth manor.  
"What is wrong with Break?" Oz asked  
" I really don't know" I answerd  
But I felt guilty, _did, did I hurt him? _

* * *

I covered my face with my hands.  
_He really hates my, doesn't he?_  
_... Gilbert hates me, _  
_Sharon hates me, _  
_everyone hates me..._  
_everyone including myself_

**Sorry for the bad english .**  
**Shall I continue...?**  
**Anyway, Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yayy chapter 2!**

**I don't know if any of you want a chapter two, but I'd like to write it..sooo..TADAA**

* * *

It is a long time ago that I cried last, but this night I could fill an sea with my tears. _I__'m weak, I hate it too be weak._ How harder I tied to stop the tears, how more tears came. _I__'m stupid to think that someone likes me. _I tried to swipe them away but, the tears keep streaming. After I think two hours I was still sobbing. _._ When I finally had my stupid emotions under control, I fell asleep. _ha ha ! look at me, I'm __broken, AGAIN._

* * *

"Has anyone seen Break?" Oz asked us the next morning

"No but I think it's better without him" Was Alice' response.

But I wanted to know where he was..because he acted really strange yesterday, before dinner he had a weird expression on his face (even more weird then normal), he refused cake, and after I become angry with him he acted strange, so I asked Sharon.

"Sharon, do you know where Break is?" I hoped she said something as 'he is at Pandora'. "Yes, Gilbert, he is in his room, but he don't want to talk with me." She said and sighed "Maybe, he want to talk with you?"

And now i'm standing for the room of Xerxes Break, first, I didn't want to go talk with him, but Sharon has persuaded me to do it tough.

I knocked on the door and said "Break are you there!?" After I few seconds he answered.

"Shut up, I don't want to talk" I sighed "Break, what's wrong?"

"I told you to shut up, remember?" _come on, I want to help you_ "I'm coming in, okay?" I didn' wait for the answer I just opend the door.

He sat in his pyjamas in bed, with his face buried in his pillow. _W__hat's with him?._

_"_Do you think it is normal to come in my room without permission?" He didn't look up from the pillow when he spoke.

_"_Break, are you sick?, do you have pain or something?" I asked worried, _he acts stranger then normal._

* * *

_Ha ha ha ha.. yes, Raven, I have pain, a broken heart hurts, you know?_

I looked up from my pillow "No, I'm not sick, Gilbert," He looked a bit shocked or something. _W__hy? _then I remembered that I must look as a zombie, with a swollen red eye from crying and messy hair.

"What happend to you?!" the man with the beautiful golden eyes asked me concerned._  
_

"Nothing" _  
_

"..please tell me"_ I can't _

"Why should I tell you?, yesterday you won't tell me where about you was going to talk with Vincent, hm?"

He looked at me and said "That was private".

"Yeah, this is private too, so can you leave me alone now?" I asked him.

He sighed and walked to the door "If you want to talk, I'll listen" then he left.

_Would he listen as I say I'm in love with him? Would he believe me?...no I don't think so. I think he would say that it's not funny to say such things, that I'm a stupid clown... _I sighed and lied down on my back, staring to the ceiling.

* * *

_Why did he cry? Why? He is always __so...strong, and now he cried?_

I walked to the dinning room, it was time for lunch, Sharon was already there.

"How is he?" the girl asked me.

"He looks like he cried all night, but, he don't want to tell me anything" I answered , I saw worry in her eyes, _I __shouldn't have tell her, now she is going to worry all day._

"Well, if he don't want to talk about it, we can't help him." _she's upset._

We didn't see Break the whole day, and I was bored , Oz and Alice played together and Sharon has a meeting with some guys of Pandora about the Chain that appeared by the Nightray manor. _I did not expect that I would ever say this, but, without Break it's boring._

* * *

_hollow, I feel hollow.. Is that because of my broken heart or because Ididn't eat anything today?_

As answer, my stomach growled. I sighed and looked up to the clock, 11 o'clock. _that's too late for dinner. _I left my room and walked with Emily on my right shoulder, in the direction of the kitchen.

To reach te kitchen, i must walk past the rooms of Oz, Alice and Gilbert. I _hope no one hears me. _As quiet as possible I ran along the rooms.

When i was in the kitchen, I saw that I lost Emily. _shit. I'm going to look for her after eating. _I looked in the fridge, and found some cake. I ate it quickly. I wanted to before someone saw me.

"Break, I found your doll in the hallway". I froze when I heard that voice, I turned around and saw that Gilbert stood in the doorway.

"Oh, okay, can i have her back?" I asked him. He nodded and gave Emily to me. _W__hy he's not sleeping?_

There was an awkward silence, and then he smiled and said "So, you're hungry now?" I smiled too "yup, I am". I looked in the fridge again, looking for more cake. I ate two more pieces of cake, "I'm ready".

"Do you mind if I walk with you to your room?" he said. I shook my head "No problem".

We walked together to my room, when we where there I said "Thanks, for giving Emily to me" to him, and opened the door of my room.

"W-wait, Break" Gilbert said "can I come in?" I nodded,"Sure".

I sat down on my bed, after he closed the door, he sat down beside me. "I-i wanted to ask..what..was wrong today"

"Nothing" I sighed

"Come on.. please tell me, Break"

I looked away from him "I..was...you...yester..day" _D__oes he care about me?_

_" _Is it because I was mad at you yesterday?" He asked, his voice full of disbelief "Oh, Break, why are you crying?"

I didn't noticed that I was crying. _A__gain. _

"I cry because, I'm weak, Gilbert" _I_ _am really weak, crying in front of him._

He smiled, brought his hand to my face, and stroked my cheek. I froze as he did that. _W__hat is he doing?_

"Break, I don't believe people cry because they're weak, I think they cry because they've been strong for too long"

* * *

**Okay, that was chapter 2..**

**thanks for reading and review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyy,**

**Chapter 3 is ready!**

** Thanks to for many ideas!**

* * *

_What am I doing? Vincent said it was better if I would pretend that I'm not in love with him. But, I want to love Break.. I'm only afraid he won't love me back._

"Do you believe so, Gilbert?" He smiled trough his tears and grabbed the hand that I just caressed his face with. _H__is hand is_ _cold. _I smiled too.

Yes, I believe that you're really strong.. Do you want to talk about.. Yesterday?" He shook his head "No, rather not, leave it". I nodded "Okay".

We sat a few minutes in silence, then I realised that we were still holding hands. "Uhm, I think it's better if we are going to sleep now" I said to Break.

"Yes" he answered. I stood up and walked to the door, then I heard Break say "Wait, Gilbert..I-i want to tell you"

I sat down beside him again. "I'll listen"

He looked at the ground and start to talk "When we where at the Nightray Manor I listened to your conversation with Vincent.."

"How much did you hear?" I interrupted him. _Shit! _

"I heard you're in love, then I walked away" he said. _T__hank god, but..what has this to do with him?._

"To make a long story short" he continued "I-i'm" he grabbed my hand again "I'm in love with you, Gilbert Nightray".

I could only stare. _Does he mean it? _

"And, I really hate the person you love" Break added.

I believed him, I don't know it was because of his expression or I just want to believe it.

He saw my confused face, "Sorry I..." He started a sentence but I interrupted him again.

"You must not hate yourself , Break" now it was his turn to look confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked me.

"You said you hate the person I love and, that is you"

I saw hope on his beautiful face "Really?".

I wrapped my arms around Break's neck and pulled him in a hug. "Really" I whispered in his ear. I felt his hands on my back, and smiled.

We where there in each others arms, when I said his name, "Break?"

"Hmm?"

"This...isn't a joke, right?" maybe it is rude to ask but, I have to know. _ it's really something for Break to play with my feelings like this._

He broke away from my arms "N-no! I really love you!" he said. Then a big smile appeared on his face "shall I prove it?" Before I could answer, I felt his lips against mine. _he's kissing me?_

* * *

_He loves me, he loves me , he loves me. _I can't think about something else. _He loves me too! _I'm so happy about that, I think that I'm a bit too happy, _what if he has enough of me? I must not think about that! _I sighed, I always think about the bad side of something good.

The next morning, I was earlier awake than usually. I put on my clothes and walked to the living room, Oz and Sharon were there. _what should I say to her? I think she is really mad at me now. _

"BREAAK!" yells Oz , he was suddenly in front of me. "Where were you yesterday?!" S_o, Sharon and Gilbert didn't say anything to him..and Alice. _

"I did not feel well yesterday, so I was in my room the whole day." I said to Oz. Sharon stared at me fore a long time and then she said "I'm glad you're feeling well now, Break". "Yep, I'm too" Oz added. _D__id he say that because he wants to he nice..or is he really happy about that I'm 'feeling better now'?_

I talked a bit with Oz about sweets, Sharon said nothing to me. Then Alice came in with lots of noise, followed by Gilbert. He smiled to me, and I smiled back.

"Oi, clown, why are you here? It was much better without you!" Alice said. I gave her a big fake smile "I'm here to disturb your peace".

"Hey! Stupid Rabbit! That is not nice to say, you know" Gilbert defend me. "My, my Gilbert didn't you know that she is not nice?" I said to him. He grinned "Yeah, you're right". Oz looked from Gilbert to me, and again. "What's with you two?" He asked us. We chuckled "Nothing".

"Oz, they're just stupid" said Alice, Oz nodded "I think so".

"Oz!? You too?, you're all mean!" I. giggled "Don't you think so, Raven?". "Certainly" the dark haired man agreed.

"You all act strange today" Sharon sighed. "But, I'm getting used to it''

"Poor Ojou-sama Sharon, she must live with a bunch of idiots"

...

"Break?" Asked Gilbert . It was after breakfast and everyone was sitting in the lounge. "What's wrong, Gilbert-kun?" he grabbed my arm and pulled me up "I need your help, now".

"Okay.." I said while we walked trough the door, "Where are we going?".

"My room" he answered my question.

When we where there, he closed the door. "You was in need..." I could not finish my sentence, 'cause he pulled me close to him , and kissed me soft on my cheek, forehead and then on my lips.

When the kiss was over I said "Uh..i think that was why you need me?" a smile appeared on his face. "yeah, I couldn't do that without you..." I chuckled "No, you can't". We laughed togheter for a few seconds.

I looked up to his face, he smiled at me and stroked my hair.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulled him even closer. "I love you" I whispered in his ear.

He held my face with both hands, kissed me , and said the words I always wanted to hear, but no one ever said to me; "I love you too"

_I really , really love him._

* * *

**tadaaa! **

**i have school from now on, so, i have not much time, but i'm go to write as much as I can!**

**thanks for reading and review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**chapter 4 isss reeaddyyyy!**

* * *

_Break is really happy now I __said I love him, i am really happy now he said that he loves me...I hope this is everlasting love. I want our love to be everlasting...but does he want it too?_

_..._

"Gilll~!" a voice intteruped me from my paperwork. _can I never do my paperwork in silence? _Isighed._  
_

"What is it, Oz?" I said to the blond haired boy.

He stood in front of me, straight for my desk. With a lost expression on his face. _W__hy that expression?._

_"_Well..uhm...do you want to play with me..or something.. I know you have work to do...but, I'm bored, Alice and Sharon are doing 'girl things'.

I want to play with him, really, he is my master and friend, but I really have to do this paperwork. And..I want to spent some time with Break.

"Oz, you know that I have to do this work"

"But, Gilbert you play almost never with me!, you have always stupid work!...and since you went to the Nightray mansion five days ago, you're always with Break!"

_First, why do he call me Gilbert? He never calls me Gilbert, alway Gil.. And, he noticed that I spend much time with Break._

"Oz.." I started _what must I say? I'm going to hurt his feelings as I say that I have no time.._

"I must finish this, but, about an hour we can play, okay?" I said to him. He looked happy with that answer.

"Yay! See you then, Gil!" he said and walked away.

In half an hour I finishd my work, I walked to Breaks room, to say that I am going to play with Oz.

I knocked at the door. "Break?, Are you there?" No answer. "Break?" I opened the door, and entered the room. Break was there, on his bed, sleeping. I sat down on the bed. He looks very peaceful when he's asleep. _cute. I __better let him sleep. _He must be tired, sleeping at 4 pm. I put a blanked over him, kissed his forehead and left the room, leaving a note behind.

* * *

"Ahh" I woke up. I didn't want to sleep, but I was very tired. I spend the whole night doing stupid work for Pandora, Reim usually does it for me, but this time I had to do it myself . I pulled of my blanket. _Wait..blanket? I was not under a blanked when I fell asleep.. _I stood up and saw a little note fell on the ground. I picked it up and read it.

_Break, _

_I'm with Oz, he wants to play with me. Can we meet at eight in my room? _

_See you at dinner._

_Gilbert._

_ps. You're cute as you sleep ._

I grinned, _I__'m cute as i sleep, hm?. _I looked at the clock. six o'clock. Time for dinner.

Everyone was already in the dinning room when I arrived. "Hello!~" I said to them.

I received a smile from Gilbert, a "OI, CLOWN" from Alice, and an "Hey" from Oz.

But Sharon said nothing to me. _I__s she still angry 'cause I won't tell her what was wrong then?. _I don't like that Sharon won't talk to me. She was always kind to me, I liked her as a friend, and now she ignores me. _I__ really hurt her feelings back then..she will forgive me, right?_

_..._

After dinner, Gilbert whispers in my ear "see you, tonight?"

"Yeah, see you then, Raven." I whisperd back. He smiles and walked away.

I must talk to Sharon. I don't want her to be angry about me, I don't want that her mood is ruined thanks to me. Sharon was already gone, I followed her to her room.

"Wait! Sharon! I want to talk with you!" I called. She turned around.

"Come in" she says, and she entered her room.

"What do you want to discuss with me?" she asked. _she knows what._

"...Why do you ignore me?" I replied. Sharon sat down on a chair. "I don't ignore you, Break" she sighed.

"Oh, come on, you do" I stood in front of her. "Why, Ojou-sama?"

"Break, I don't ignore you, but I'm tired, go away please" she said to me. I know it was an order, I could only obey.

_Is it impossible, to love someone, and have a friend?_

_..._

When I was outside, I sighed, I really hope we can resolve. I walked in the direction of Gilbert's room. We agreed at 8 o'clock, but I can come al little earlier.._I__ think.._

"Gilbert?" I opened the door of his room, and saw him and Oz sitting on the bed. They didn't realised that I was there, so I stand here listening to there argue.

"BUT, GILBERT!" Oz shouts

"Oz,..please..I.."

"JUST SHUT UP!" Oz is really angry. _why?, he is almost never angry at Gilbert, and Gil seems very confused. _Oz turns around walks to the door. "Break?!, what are you doing here?" He askes me.

"I just wanted to ask Gilbert-kun something" I improvised. "O-okay" Oz answered, and he ran from the room.

I sat down next to Gilbert on his bed. "How much did you hear?" Gil aked me. "I heard your argue since 'but, Gilbert'" I answered his question. "Where was it about?".

"Oz wants to go back to the Vessalius mansion, he asked me what I thought about it, I said that I rather to stay here". He let his head hung. "He asked me why, I answered that I just wanted to say here, at the Rainsworth mansion, and then he said that a friends must tell each other the truth, then we start arguing".

I grabbed his hand, laid my head down on his shoulder and said "Oh, Gilbert, that's awfull".

He nodded. "How's it going with you and Sharon? It looks like she's avoiding you". He said. "Yes, I think so too, I tried to talk with her but, she send me away..that hurts, you know".

"Yes, I know" we sat there in silence. "It seems to be hard to have friends, and love each other" I said to him. He hugged me. "Yeah, it seems so."

We laid down on the bed, still holding hands. "So, Gilbert, what did you do today?" I asked him, I don't want to talk about our problems Oz and Sharon anymore.

"Well, I did paperwork, and.. I talked with Oz.. And I thought of you". I chuckled "Okay, thank you..where did you talk about?"

"Uhm..you know..stupid things like food and girls" I turn on my side so I could see him. "You talked about girls?". He turned on his side as well. "Yes, but you know I'm not interested in girls, right?" I didn't answer. He pulled me to his chest. "I'm only interested in you, Break".

I wrapped my arms around his waist ,buried my face in his chest and said "I really hope so". He put his hand under my chin and forced me to look at him. "I mean it". And then we kissed.

"Break, I will always love you".

_I will never let you go._

* * *

**Did you all know it is really hard to write about love? **

** I have school, and I have not much time to write but I write as much as I can! **

**Thanks for reading and review please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**chapter 5 :))**

* * *

_When we are together , only us, he shows me his soft and weak side. I love that side of him very much, not that I don't love the other side's of him, I didn't even know that he has a soft side six days ago. But, he is so cute and pure as he shows his real emotions. When I was young I always thought he couldn't feel any emotions, later I realised that he just hides them, that he never shows his emotions because he don't want to get broken or hurt. I'm very happy that he trusts me enough to show them. I will never hurt my beloved Break._

_..._

When I woke up, Break's head was on my chest. His visible eye was closed. _He is asleep. _I began to stroke his hair. I let my hand glide over his soft hair and his back. I stopped, maybe he don't like it as I touch him in his sleep.

As if he read my thoughts he said "Please, don't stop". His eye was still closed. I did what he said, and let my hand run trough his hair again.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked him.

"Yeah, you did," he opened his eye. "but I don't mind," he cuckled. "Sweetheart". I smiled at him.

"Siriously?, you're calling me sweetheart?" he smiled too and brought his head close to mine.

"Yes, you don't like your new name, Raven?" before I could answer he pressed his soft lips against mine. I moaned, wrapped my arms around Breaks waist and kissed back.

He broke the kiss and looked in my eyes, I looked back in his single blood-red eye. _H__e is beautiful. _I whispered "Break, I love you"

"I love you too".

After a short silence he said "..If we are alone..you can call me Xerxes.." _I__'d be happy to do that. _"I-f you want that, of course" he added embarrassed.

"Xerxes" I said his name. He smiled, and kissed my cheek.

There is one question I really want to ask him, but I'm a little afraid of the answer. _just ask him. _"X-xerxes..I want..to ask you.." I fell silent and blushed.

"What do you want to ask me?" I take a deep breath "I want to ask you.. Did you love someone before me?" I blushed even more. _Why can't I stop blusing?_

He grabbed my left hand with both of his hands. "No, Gilbert, you are my very first love".

* * *

"Really?!" He said with the most happy expression I've ever seen. _he is so cute when he is blushing. _"Really, how about you?, I'm sure that I am not your first love".

I am pretty sure about that, a handsome guy as Raven must have a girlfriend before me.

"Well, actually, you are my first love too, Xerxes" he said to me. I could only smile, a smile from the bottom of my heart, the heart that only belongs to him.

"..Uhm..Xerxes?," can I ask you one more question?" he asked. _I love the way he says my first name. _

"Ask what you want, Gil".

"Since when do you love me?, and why? I still can't get that you love me!" _W__hy not?_

"Raven that are two questions" I said annoyed. "Oh..." He started to say something, but I interrupted him "But, I will answer both of them".

He nodded "Thanks".

I started to tell him the story. "I love you since the moment that you were a year of 18, Well I loved you before too, but did not realise it, and why... Back then, you worked so hard to get your master back, I had respect for you, and I just started to love you.. I think.. It's hard to explain".

I did not expect that I would tell anyone that story, but, I also did not expect that Gilbert loves me too.

"Oh, and not to forget that you are really handsome!" I smiled a silly, big, blissful smile.

Someone knocked on the door, "Gilbert?, can I come in?".

I looked at Gilbert, and saw that he thought the same. _Oz._

"Shit! Uhh, hide you somewhere!" He whispered to me. I nodded and leap out of his bed. I looked around. _Where can I hide myself? _

I looked around again. "Gilbert?!" I heard Oz say. "Wait a minute Oz" Gilbert answered the young boy. _the closet! _I ran quick to the closet, pulled open the door, and hid myself in it.

"You can come in" I heard that the door opened. "Why are you here, so early in the morning, Oz?"

"I forgot my jacket yesterday" Oz said. "And Gil.. Why don't you want to go back? It is our home!"

...I hate that Gilbert must choose between me and Oz, I think it is really hard for him to say that he don't want to go back to the Vessalius house, but I don't want that he leaves me!

"Oz, I.. I just don't want to go back, okay? And it is your home, not mine."

_Oz don't like this, I'm sure._

"Well, Alice and I are going to the manor, with you or without you!" Oz sighed. "We'll leave at afternoon, please come too". "And, Gilbert, it is your home too". With that he walked out of the room.

I came out of the closet. _well, actually I came out of the closet a few days ago. _Gilbert sat with a gloomy face on his bed.

"Oh god, Xerxes... What should I do?" He covered his face with his hands. "I want to be with you, but, I don't want to leave Oz alone, he is my best friend and my master! I promised him to leave him never alone!.."

I sat down next to him "I don't know how it is to have a friend like Oz, but if you don't go you will definitely lose him, you don't want to lose anyone that is close to you, believe me, I speak from experience".

Gilbert looked at me. "You don't mind if I go?". I smiled. "Well, I don't like it, but it is better, and we can meet at Pandora right?"

"Yes, and I bet that Oz wants to see Sharon sometimes". We laughed together. "Okay, you have to pack your stuff, I see you later". I kissed him on his cheek.

I walked to my room and changed clothes. When I was in the dinning room I saw Oz and Alice there, Oz with a sad face.

"Oz-kun, please get that expression of of your face" I said to the blonde haired boy.

"Yeah, Oz, that expression don't suit you!" I looked up and saw my beloved Raven.

_I'm going to miss Gilbert...no not only Gilbert, I'm going to miss Oz too, even Alice._

* * *

**Well, in this chapter actually nothing happend...**

**Thanks for reading and review please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6! :)**

* * *

"Hey, clown, why are you coming with us?" The B-Rabbit asked me when we were sitting in the carriage that must bring us to the Vessalius mansion. I came with them, because I didn't want to say goodbye to Gilbert.

_Because I want to be with Raven._

"Well, Alice, because I want to tease all of youuu!" I answered her question happily. She gazed at me. "Stupid idiot! I am happy that I don't have to see you again." Alice said. I grinned in a clownish way.

Oz laughed "Come on Alice, be nice to Break" he said "You can forget that horrible Break-person later" he smiled.

"Ah ha ha, brat, you make me want to kill youu" I said to Oz. _that is so rude of him, do I treat them so terribly? . _

"Whaahhh, Gil, save me" Oz said with a with a fake scared expression. He tugged at his valet's sleeve.

"What you want me to do, Oz?" Gilbert asked his little master. He looked at Oz. I saw love in his eyes, love for his master. I felt a twinge of jealousy. _why am I jealous? Gil said he loves me, there is no need to be jealous, right?_

"Punish him! I don't care how, just do it!" Oz yelled. Gilbert chuckled "Okay.."

Gilbert stood up and sat down next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist. _W__hat the hell? What is he doing? We are in public.._

He pulled me on his lap, brought his mouth to my ear and whispered so soft that only I could hear "If you keep teasing Oz, no kisses for you.."

Gilbert let me go and sat down on his own place. "Wow, Gil! What did you say to him? He is totally silent!" Oz said to his servant.

I pouted and said "That is not fair, Raven!". He smiled. "No?". Oz looked from me to Gil. "Hahaha! Well Break, I don't know what Gil said to you but, listen to it" Oz laughed.

"Not fair".

...

We arrived at the Vessalius house at afternoon. "Come Alice! I let you see the mansion!" Oz said to his chain. The two ran away in he direction of the house. Leaving me and Gilbert alone.

"You know it was risky to pull me on your lap in front of everybody?" I said to him. I didn't mind it, but I don't think Oz would like it if he knows that we have a...relation.

He stepped close to me, I felt his breath against my face when he was saying "Yes, I know". Gil pressed a kiss on my forehead. "Come, we must go". _I love him._

We walked to the house in silence. "Gilbert?.." A high girly voice said. Raven turned around. "Miss Ada" he smiled.

"I didn't know you arrived! Where are Oz and Alice?" Ada said. "Oz and Alice are somewhere in the mansion, I don't know where". Gilbert answered.

Ada looked at me. "Gil..who is that?"

"Oh, that is..." I interrupted him "I am Xerxes Break, servant of the Rainsworth family" I bowed. "Yes, now you say it I recognise you" she said with her annoying voice.

"Of course you remember me, who can forget meee~" I said to Ada. I didn't like her.

She looked a few seconds at me with her big green eyes, and then she start to talk to Raven again. About how long they didn't see each other and stupid things like that. Gilbert seemed to have fun. He liked her I realised.

I felt jealousy again. _I must stop with being jealous of everyone. I'm like a stupid schoolgirl that is in love._ I took a candy from my pocket and ate it. _There is no need to be jealous._

I leaned against the wall and crunched at a new piece of candy. _I__f Gilbert says he loves me I can trust him... _But I didn't believe myself. _R__eally, can I never trust anyone ? _

"Break! What's wrong with you?" a certain blond haired brat asked me. I sighed. "Nothing, I'm just thinking about some Pandora stuff"

* * *

_He is lying..he isn't just thinking about Pandora stuff, there is something that bothers him, but what? _

"Oh, okay" Oz said. Xerxes picked a candy out of his pocket. "Do you want some candy, brat?" He asked my master. "Yes" Oz replied. "Hahaha! You don't get any from mee!" Break put the candy in his mouth.

_Xerxes is like a little kid, sometimes he is incredibly annoying and on other times he is incredibly sweet._

"Oz, Gilbert, Alice! You arrived" I heard a voice behind me. "Uncle Oscar" Oz walked to his uncle, with Alice' right hand in his own.

"I missed you three" he said when he pulled me, Oz and the B-Rabbit in a hug. "I missed you too, uncle" Oz whispered.

Oscar let us go, and looked around. "Xerxes? What are you doing here?" He asked surprised. I looked at Break too, I saw his usually smile, but in his eye I saw something different, I could not place it.

"Ah, Oscar-sama finally noticed me" his smile grew bigger. "I came with them because I was bored". "I will take my leave now" Break said. _No! Don't leave!_

To my great relief Oscar said "No, lets have some tea together before you leave". Break nodded "Okay"

...

"Oz, I want meat" Alice said to my master. We sat in the living room, drinking our tea, I sat with Break on a small couch, just another excuse to be close to him.

"Follow me, Alice, I will bring you to the meat" Oz said to his chain. Alice stood up and followed Oz trough the door.

"Well, Gilbert, I heard you was nearly attacked by a chain at the Nightray house?" Oscar started a conversation with me.

"Yes, Break saved me" I said to him. "Oh, really? I didn't heard anything of that from the Nightrays".

Break chuckled. "Ah ha! They would probably not admit that their son had to be rescued". Oscar grinned "Yeah, I think so".

We felt silent again. We said nothing for five minutes. "Oz and Alice are away for a long time now, I'm going to search them" Oscar said and he walked away. Break and I were alone in the room now.

Xerxes sighed "I must go now" he stood up, but before he reached the door I stopped him. "Please don't go, Xerxes" I grabbed his hand. I don't want that he goes. I want to be with him.

He squeezed my hand. "I must, if I don't leave now, Sharon will kill me". I tried to hide my disappointment. "Well, let me kiss you goodbye then"

I grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him soft on his lips, Break wrapped his arms around my neck. I let my hands run trough his hair, let my hands glide over his shoulders to his waist.

Break broke the kiss, and said "Oh Gilbert, I don't want to go". "Then stay with me" I answered.

I know he couldn't do that so before he had to answer I kissed him again. Xerxes pulled me closer and I kissed his cheeks, nose and forehead. "Gil, I love you" he whispered. "I love you too, Xerxes". He looked at me with his blood-red eye and smiled.

This time he kissed me, soft and gentle. But I had enough of soft and gentle, and kissed him more rough back.

I heard that a door opened, but I didn't pay attention to it. I was to busy with kissing the one I love.

I didn't pay attention to it till I heard a familiar voice that said "GIL, BREAK, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!"


	7. Chapter 7

_"GIL, BREAK, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO __DOING?"_

I looked up, and saw that Oz and Oscar stood in the doorway with shocked expressions on their faces. I felt that I blushed and felt ashamed. _Why do I feel ashamed? I love Xerxes, there is no reason to be ashamed. _But_, _I still felt ashamed, Oz and Oscar still looked at us if we were a sort of... Freak show.

"Break! You pervy clown! Let Gil go!" Oz yelled at Xerxes. Break froze in my arms, his arms slipped away from my neck and he stepped backwards. I saw in his eye that he was hurt by Oz' hard words.

"Gilbert, what did he do to you, what did he gave you to do such filthy things with him?" Oscar asked me. I gazed at him. _He thinks Xerxes paid me for this? _My shame turned in to anger.

"Gil, you can tell us, we won't be mad!" Oz added and he walked towards me, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me with him to the other side of the room, away from Break. "I'm sure Break will be punished for what he did to you" Oz whispered in my ear.

I walked away from Oz, to Break. Now I am even more angry, _they hurt Xerxes. _I grabbed Breaks hand and said "Xerxes didn't do anything wrong!"

"Gilbert, come on you don't have to protect him" Oscar said with a stupid laugh on his face "Our little Gilbert aways want to protect everyone".

"As I said, Break didn't do anything wrong!" I shouted at my little master and his uncle.

"Gil, he did something wrong! He kissed you even if you don't wanted that" Oz said with a nervous smile.

"I WANTED HIM TO KISS ME!"

Oz and Oscar stared at me with their emerald green eyes. "Gilbert, don't be so ridiculous" Oscar said. He turned around and said to Break "Xerxes Break, leave this mansion now, I don't want you to see you and Gilbert together anymore"

Xerxes widened his single red eye "...but..I-I love him" he started, but Oz interupped him " Break, walk to the moon, do really think we're stupid enough to believe that you are in love with Gilbert? Haha no, pervy clown play your nasty games with other boys"

For a second Break looked like he was going to cry, then I saw his usually emotionless mask. I wanted to hug him, he seemed to need it. Oscar gazed at him.

"Xerxes, go away now, otherwise we will tell the Rainsworth family about this" Oscar said. Break just nodded and quick walked away. I stared at the door. _He left without saying anything, poor Break, they were so mean to him"_

I started to walk after him, but Oz stopped me. "Now, Gil, tell us what really happened" _he still don't get it _"Well, Oz, this is what happened: I kissed him, he kissed back"

Oz looked at me with big eyes "You don't mean it, huh?, you just want to protect that pervy clown". "Gilbert, seriously you don't have to lie to us" Oscar added.

"I love Xerxes!"

Alice entered the room with lots of noise and a meat stick in her hands. "Hey, what did you three do to the clown?" She asked us. Oz blinked "What do you mean, Alice?" She took a bite from her meat.

"When I walked to this room, I saw Break ran away, he was crying and sobbing like a little baby" She said "So, I thought you three finally punished him"

"SEE WHAT YOU TWO DID TO HIM" I shouted at Oscar and Oz. "YOU TWO DON'T KNOW HIM, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FRAGILE HE REALLY IS!"

I turned around, and walked away without saying a word. _Stupid Oz, stupid Oscar, they hurt my beloved Xerxes, they said such mean things to him, and Break always act like he don't care, but actually he is always hurt by mean words._

* * *

_'pervy clown' Why am I a pervy clown?__  
_

_'play your nasty games with other boys' Don't they understand it wasn't a game?_

_'do you really think we're stupid enough to think you're in love with Gilbert?' Why do they don't believe it?_

_'I don't want to see you and Gilbert together anymore' Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?_

I lay on the bank of the carriage that must bring me back home. Hot tears streamed down my face.

I want to see Gil, I want to feel his arms around me. I sobbed. He was so kind, telling his master that he loves me. Why does Oz think that I was playing around? Couldn't he see that I was serious about my feelings for his valet?

When the carriage arrived at the Rainsworth manor I swiped my tears away and stood up. I entered the building, quick walking towards my room. I didn't want to see Sharon. But, as always she saw me. "Xerx-nii-san!" She said.

I turned around with a fake smile on my face "Well hello, Sharon" I said to her.

"Shall we have some tea together?" Sharon asked. I nodded because I had no choice.

...

"Xerx, how do you feel?" Sharon asked me when we were in the living room drinking tea. _Horrible, simply horrible , like my heart is torn away._

"I'm fine, why do you ask that?" I said to her with a smile. She answered with "Oh, you just looked sad"

...

After one hour I finally had the chance to escape from Sharon. I ran to my room and fell down on my bed. I expected that I had to cry again, but the tears didn't come. I stared to the ceiling.

_I wish that I never knew about Gil's feelings for me, that he never knew about my feelings for him, things would have been so much easier that way. But, the last few days I felt so happy, and now I feel like the most lonely person in the world._

_Oh, Gilbert, I wish you were with me._

* * *

**haha, I make Break and Gil suffer so much, poor boys XD  
**

**I read the previous chapters and I saw so much mistakes! Haha! I changed the mistakes so I hope it's better now.**

**And I think I always spell the word review wrong, because no one reviews XD**

**haha, **

**thanks for reading and REVIEW :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello~ !**

**because the previous chapter was so short, this one is l****ittle longer then normal :)**

* * *

_I miss him. I miss Xerxes, with his cute smiles and his stupid jokes. I miss him. I really miss him, and all his little things._

"Oz, I said that I don't want to talk" it is the day after I arrived at the Vessalius house, Oz keeps on asking me things like 'what did Break do to you?' And 'why didn't you say anything about it?' It is so annoying, he just don't understand that I really love Xerxes.

"But Gil! Why won't you tell me the truth" Oz said to me. He stood next to my bed. I covered my eyes with my arm. "I already told you the truth".

"Oh, come on! Why should you love someone like Break?" Oz said. He sighed and continued with "I mean, he used you"

I sat up. I was really angry. _He is just too stupid to understand something like love. _"He. Didn't. Use. Me" I emphatically said to him. He gazed at me "you can't love someone like Break! and, he is a boy!"

"I don't care if he's a boy" I gazed angry at him. "Oz, if you don't want to believe it go away"

I saw tears in his eyes, but I didn't care about it. It is his own fault. "Gilbert, why? You can get every girl in the world! Why Break? What makes him so special?"

That's the only question I didn't expect. _what makes Xerxes so special? _I never thought about that, I just love him... But why?

"It is just, how he looks if he makes those stupid jokes of him. The way he smiles if I say that I love him. How his eye sparkles if he says he loves me. The soft side of him that he shows me if we are alone. How his lips taste like sugar as we kiss, the way he lays his head on my chest if we sleep together..." I sighed and blushed because I said all those things. I sighed again "He is just perfect"

"You don't mean this, huh?" Oz whispered. "I don't believe it!" he ran out of the room, leaving me alone.

Half an hour later someone knocked at the door. "Oi, seaweed head, can I come in?" Alice didn't wait for an answer and just opened the door. She walked in and sat down on the chair next to my bed.

"Thanks to you, my servant is angry and sad on the same time" She said. I didn't knew how to reply. "So, what happened between you and Oz ?" Alice asked. _He didn't tell her?_

"We had.. Argue about... Something.." I said to Alice.

"It was about Break, right?" the B-Rabbit said. I stared "How much do you know, rabbit?"

She laid her feet on my bed. "Well, I know that Oz and his uncle did something to Break, and that you're angry about that"

"That's all?" I said relieved, I don't want her to know, she would say more mean things to Break if she sees him.

"Yes, that's all. But, seaweed head, I don't want that you make my servant angry again!"

* * *

"Sharon, I'm just tired" I said to Sharon when she asked me what was wrong. She keeps on asking me things like 'are you alright?' And 'Break, what's wrong?' It is so annoying, I just can't tell her about my feelings for Gilbert and my problems with Oz and Oscar even if I wanted to.

"Go to get some sleep then" she said. "My lady, are you sure? I thought I must help you with this" I pointed at some work. She nodded "yes, I'm sure"

I stood up "Well, good night". She stood up too. On tiptoes she leaned forwards... To kiss my cheek. I froze. _What is she doing?! _"Sleep well, Xerx" she whispered. With a nod I left the room.

_Why did she do that? _But, I already knew the answer; like two years ago, I heard that she loves me. Not a brother-sister love, it was more than that. But she didn't do something back then. I thought her love for me was over. _B__ut it isn't. Shit! What can I do now? I don't want that Sharon feels that same as me now, I don't want her to have a broken heart. But.. I don't love her like that, I love Gilbert and no one else._

_'You can't be with Gilbert'_ a soft and mean voice in my head said. _'Why don't you try it with Sharon?' _"No! I don't do that" I whispered to the voice. _'Why not? Then you have someone who loves you, that's all you want.' _"I only want Gilbert" I whispered louder. _'You just want to be loved, it doesn't matter by whom. You just want to be loved' _

"That is not true!" I fell down on the floor of my bedroom with tears in my eye. _Not true. Not true. Not true. _Tears felt down my face and I sobbed.

I know it is true; I want to be loved. More tears streamed down my face._ I am just a idiot that want to be loved. _I crawled towards my bed. _Why can't there be anything good in my life? Why? Why do I ruin everything that is good in my life? Always if there is something nice, always if I trust someone... I end up to be broken. Always._

I lay down on my bed, and curled up like a baby. _Weak, stupid, broken. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy, loved.. _

I cried myself to sleep. I hoped on a peacefull night, only me and my pain. Unfortunately, even that isn't granted to me.

_"No Kevin! Don't go! Don't leave me alone!" I turned around and saw my little miss with tears in her eyes looking at me. "I'm sorry miss, I have to go" I said to her. Why did I say that!? I don't have to go! I walked away, leaving the girl alone. I walked trough a landscape of black. Only black. Then I saw a group of people, they seemed to have fun. I ran to them and I recognized them, it were my friends; Reim, Sharon, Oz, Alice and... My beloved Gilbert. "Gil" I called him. He turned around, I saw disgust on his face. "Break?" I confused stopped with walking to him. "Haha! look guys, our pervy clown is back!" Oz laughed. The others laughed to, even Reim and Sharon. I stepped backwards "W-what?" I asked them. "Oh come on, Xerxes, don't you remember?" Reim asked me with a big smile on his face. I shook my head. Where are they talking about? "We don't want to see you anymore Xerx-nii-san" Sharon said to me. "Why not?" They laughed as answer. I looked at Gilbert "I thought you love me" I said to him. Again there was a expression of disgust on his beautiful face "why should anyone love you?" More laughing. They all walked away. I was left alone. 'Ah haa! no one loves you' the voice was back in my head. 'just accept it, you can't be with Gilbert, Sharon will find someone other' the voice laughed. 'You, the one that wants to be loved is left alone'_

"AAAH" with a scream I woke up. And I realized something: It is true, I want to be loved, but, the only one I love is Gilbert.

_I want to be with him. No matter what Oz, Oscar and the rest of the world thinks about it._

* * *

**{ When I read my own fanfic again }**

**me: *reading* mistake here, mistake there...**

**after reading:**

**me: HAHAHA! OMG! I MADE BREAK SO UKE! UKE UKE UKE UKE! *laughs as a idiot* UKE UKE UKE. **

**Yesss... That happened...**

**There are a few things I want to say:**

**1. Sorry if my English is bad.**

**2. Thanks for reading this shit.**

**3. Review! :)**


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